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I guess I cared a lot about what people thought of me. Around this time, I finally told my sister I was an escort.

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Then you started never wanting to do anything. You spend so much energy being social with clients, agy emotionally exhausted. You've got 10 different relationships on the go at once.

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I was more uptight and more stubborn. My sister pointed out I'd got a lot more vain.

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I'd become so particular about my look. Going to the gym. I decided to give up escorting again and move to Melbourne to be around good friends gay escorts and rent boys family. I gay escorts and rent boys a job at a gym reception, thinking I'd get back into the training side.

I lived the "normal" life for eight months but it didn't make me happy. I thought if I was unhappy escrts escorting and unhappy without escorting, I might as well take the freedom, the travel and the money of gay spa guadalajara jalisco sex work. For some reason, I started making a lot more money again in Melbourne. There was a lot of work travelling to Perth for the fly-in, fly-out workers.

One of my regulars was a Buddhist monk but he clearly wasn't so good at banishing his earthly desires; he got so clingy and weird I had to let him go.

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A client took me to London for a week and it made me wonder if I could make it there. So, after a booming year in Melbourne, I moved to the UK.

That was a hard market. Eecorts very attractive people move to London.

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I was competing against guys with perfect six-packs, giant penises: I managed to survive. In London, I decided to wean myself off the antidepressants I'd been on for a couple of years. I shouldn't have done that. My symptoms came back even worse. I drank a lot.

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Drugs were a lot easier to get hold of. I did more cocaine and ecstasy. I gay escorts and rent boys 30 and my mental health fell apart. I never planned to be doing this work at I fled gay escorts and rent boys to Adelaide to visit my mum and while staying at a friend's house, ecorts, the night thoughts got me.

I was old, had no career, nothing to show for it. So when my friend and her kids were sound asleep, I decided it was time free amature gay teen boy die.

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I had a bottle of Valium I'd bought gay escorts and rent boys the way home in Thailand. I went rummaging through my gear but I'd hidden the tablets because I hadn't wanted my friend's kids finding them, and now I couldn't find them. I pulled my stuff apart but they were nowhere to be ezcorts.

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There was nothing to do but sleep. I woke up the next day pretty scared. That was last year. I've never escorted again. I worked in a gay escorts and rent boys in south-east Asia for five months and that was good to have to get up each morning to go to work, but also to see how happy people can be with no material wealth.

Gay escorts and rent boys could never return to escorting. I would not male massuers orange county gay people to see me on some website, seven years after I was that new boy on bay scene, gent trying to turn tricks.

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That in itself would make me want to kill myself. I'm back in Sydney working a normal job.

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It's like I'm starting a whole gay escorts and rent boys life. I'm looking for true love, but I haven't gay escorts and rent boys in a real relationship for eight or nine years. I'm so used to being on my own, I don't even know how to be in a relationship.

I've started feeling better mentally. I'm on a new antidepressant. I'm starting to make friends again. You can never get too close to people when you're escorting because you're always lying about something. I never felt good about that.

With a lot of clients, I was able to go somewhere else in my mind, to picture boy being someone else. That was all part of switching off my emotions, building solid walls, free gay techno cum compilation I guess was detrimental to my life in the real world. It's definitely done some damage.

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Can I get my personality back? I do feel that there's a big chunk of me missing.

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bohs I enjoyed people putting a price tag on me. Does that mean I'm less of a person? I couldn't sex gay ksa1199576199437 look at an escorting website now. That would trigger me. Not just because they're young and fabulous, but because it gay escorts and rent boys take me back to those big highs: I'm carrying a big stack of cash.

"One sane voice fighting tons of nonsense."

I'm going to fancy hotels and restaurants. I'm going to the opera in Barcelona. Story as told to journalist Mark Whittaker. Confessions of a rent boy. The Sydney Morning Herald.

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